


runaways

by thesunsethour



Series: hell yes, found family [6]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Divorce, F/M, dw tho ur a great dad, hotch was kinda a shitty husband tbf, like ily my man but ... haley had a couple valid points
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26884360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunsethour/pseuds/thesunsethour
Summary: There are days when Aaron wants to grab Haley by the shoulders and drag her to the BAU, and see if she can run it for a day.See if she can find a way to make Rossi trust this team, to reassure Garcia that the world isn’t an absolute evil, to help Reid kick the drugs without acknowledging the drugs are even there, or else he’ll be fired.“Contrary to your belief,” he says to her one evening, monotone and so, so tired.  “Work isn’t a glorious utopia I escape to, you know.   It’s hard work, Haley.”“Then quit.” She shoots back, low and menacing.He doesn’t answer.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner
Series: hell yes, found family [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932388
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	runaways

_”We got engaged on a Friday night. I swore on the head of our unborn child, that I could take care of the three of us. But I got the tendency to slip when the nights get wild.”_

It was nearing three in the morning, and yet Aaron Hotchner lay awake in his bad, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. His eyes had long adjusted to the near-total darkness of the room, and he was able to make out the curve of their ceiling lampshade. Almost unwittingly, he wondered if a brightly-coloured mobile would hang from the ceiling in the room next door soon, watching over his and Haley’s child.

A baby.

_Their baby._

Aaron knew that Haley had been hiding something all evening, he would have to be a pretty terrible profiler not to notice his wife’s fidgeting fingers and quickened heartbeat. He’d have to be an even worse husband not to notice the way she edged closer to him all evening, until they were sat on their soft yellow couch watching the television together, her head tucked securely under his chin.

It was then, on this cold Friday night in the middle of a Jeopardy re-run, that she told him that she was pregnant.

It was technically their anniversary today, not of their wedding, but of their engagement. Twenty years together, fifteen since they were married, but exactly seventeen since he asked the love of his life to marry him, and she said yes.

Even now, hours later, with Haley slumbering silently beside him, Aaron still can’t quiet believe it. Soon enough, they’re going to be responsible for a child, who will call them Mom and Dad, and who will love and be loved unreservedly.

He swore then, to Haley, in her sleep, that he would take care of them.

In his line of work, Aaron had seen the depraved depths of humanity, the extremes that a person can go to with unabashed cruelty. In his childhood, he witnessed and felt the sting of his father’s belt and the tears that fell from his mother’s empty eyes.

With darkness covering them, protecting them, Aaron swore that no harm would ever come to his wife or his child.

Even then, though, he should have recognised his naivety.

He didn’t make the first few appointments with the doctor; didn’t get to see the ultrasounds in too-small rooms that smelled of disinfectant. There had been a series of ritualistic murders in Arkansas.

He missed five more meetings after that. 

Haley always forgave him.

_”We used to look at the stars and confess our dreams, hold each other ‘till the morning light. We used to laugh, now we only fight.”_

It was a slightly depressing thought, really, that Aaron expected everything to be much worse.

Growing up in a home where unstable parents meant violence, Aaron thinks that in comparison, his home life is currently pretty solid.

But the days of Haley rolling her eyes fondly when he announced that he had to go on a last-minute case to God-Knows-Where, Tennessee are long over, replaced with sullen nods and terse silences. He can’t really blame her, even if he wants to.

Jack is growing up quicker than Aaron possibly imagined, and some days it physically pains him to miss so many milestones.

First words, first steps, first tumble, first tooth. There’s so much of his life that Haley tells him second-hand, over the phone and a thousand miles away. Nowadays, though, their conversations quickly veer into more uncomfortable territories.

How cute Jack looked in his yellow raincoat turns into _Why weren’t you there to pick him up from daycare?_

Chatting over attempts to get Jack to eat his vegetables turns into _We missed you at dinner, yesterday. Again._

An account of Jack’s adventures in the local park turns into _None of the other parents know who you are. Some think I’m a single mother, or widowed. God, Aaron, I may as well be at this stage._

Somewhere along the way as well, _I’m sorry_ turned into any number of excuses, and hurried explanations of devolving psychopaths.

There are days when Aaron wants to grab Haley by the shoulders and drag her to the BAU, and see if she can run it for a day.

See if she can find a way to make Rossi trust this team, to reassure Garcia that the world isn’t an absolute evil, to help Reid kick the drugs without acknowledging the drugs are even there, or else he’ll be fired.

“Contrary to your belief,” he says to her one evening, monotone and so, so tired. “Work isn’t a glorious utopia I escape to, you know. It’s hard work, Haley.”

“Then quit.” She shoots back, low and menacing.

He doesn’t answer. She doesn’t need him to.

She stalks off to bed, and he tries to remember how her face would light up when she smiled. How she would copy his notes in math class, and how he would steal her fruit at lunch. 

Briefly, he wonders if high school sweethearts are destined to fizzle away until there is no fire left between them.

It’s an awful thought, and he hates it.

Best not to think about it, then.

_”At night I come home after they go to sleep. Like a stumbling ghost I haunt these halls. There’s a picture of us on our wedding day. I recognise the girl but I can’t settle in these walls.”_

A case in Detroit takes four days longer than anticipated, and the jet home got delayed due to bad weather. He tried to explain all of this to Haley over the phone, but to absolutely no avail.

It’s pitch dark when he walks in their front door, dropping his go-bag by the stair case and sitting down on the bottom step to untie his shoes. To the right of his head hangs a picture of him and Haley, all those years ago when they said their vows.

She looked radiant, as she still does now.

But without even turning his head to gaze at himself, Aaron knows that all he will see is a strange man staring back at him.

A better man, who meant it when he swore vows. He was a lawyer then, a proper 9-5 sort of fiancé. 

Life was simpler, then. Life was also missing something.

As Aaron stumbles into the kitchen, forcing tired legs to take one more exhausting step, he wonders if he’s a selfish man to place so much emphasis on a workplace that is designed to give him pre-mature grey hairs.

He’d never voice these doubts; that would give Haley more ammunition in their ‘not-arguments’.

Jack’s bedtime was several hours ago, and Aaron has to restrain himself from tiptoeing into his room to smooth back his hair and place a kiss upon the forehead underneath it.

Tomorrow is a day off, though. Maybe tomorrow they’ll all go to the local park, and he’ll push Jack on the swings, or sit on the other side of the seesaw. Maybe they'll all get ice cream, and sit under the sun. Maybe-

Once he flips the lights on in the kitchen, he sees the papers laying there innocently on the table.

_PETITION FOR THE DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE_

He’s a ghost in his own damn home.

(And, a little voice says to him, it’s all your damn fault.)

**Author's Note:**

> uni is CRAZY sorry for not updating
> 
> news update: im slowly getting over my homesickness :)


End file.
